Self-Advocacy

• Don’t get mad – get passionate
• Don’t do it alone – take a friend (or three)
• Compromise is necessary – decide what is negotiable and what is not
• Spirituality is part of self-advocacy – pray for strength, pray for guidance, pray for harmony, pray for the benefit of all beings, and pray for your adversary.  Some people use a common prayer to stay calm:

• Choose your team. Often we’ll speak up for someone else before we will speak up for ourselves – be a good manager, ask someone else to speak up for you if you can’t do it yourself – that’s still self-advocacy – you’re in charge – you choose who to help you.
• Rehearse what you want to say ahead of time, role-play with someone
• Fake it till you make it
• Figure out your strength or the role you're comfortable with, i.e., go with someone else when they advocate first
• Keep to the truth – don’t make things up – you need to be believable
• Take a tape recorder if you’re feeling intimidated or scared of them – you can tape the conversation
• If possible, know your issue and your adversary - If not, do it anyway, just name what you want, you don’t have to know everything to know what is right for you
• Don’t worry about knowing everything – it is OK to say “I don’t know either –let me look into that and get back to you.” Then do it, get help if you need to.
   
• Start …
  
  o   With something little
  o   With something you care about
  o   Family may be the easiest or the hardest
  o   Just start

• When dealing with people …
  
  o   Ask for their name
  o   Ask for their supervisors name
  o   Write it down
  o   Write it down in front of them if possible so they know you are keeping track
• Keep a diary of your actions:
  o   Names
  o   Dates
  o   What you asked for
  o   What they said they would do – by when
  o   Or what they did to you that was inappropriate
   
  Use basic assertiveness skills:
  o   Acknowledge their point of view
  o   State your own case
  o   Keep to the facts (have your feelings somewhere else)
  o   Don’t make it personal – keep to the issue
  o   Avoid name calling
  o   Use the “broken record” assertiveness technique – keep repeating what you want
  o   Avoid using “but”, and use “and” instead

HOW TO HANDLE VERBAL ATTACKS OR SCARY ADVOCACY SITUATIONS

• Bluff back – stand your ground
• Stay calm, talk softer, listen to their storm, let them wind down
• Keep to the facts
• Judge who you’re dealing with – different strokes for different folks
• If you are worried or afraid to meet with someone for fear of attack